Work/Life Balance

That's a phrase that's been banded about quite a bit of late, at least here at my place of employment. I think it's an interesting use of words, perhaps implying that work is not part of your life, and can therefore be divorced or separated off by the use of a simple slash or stroke (aside: such an ungainly name for a punctuation mark don't you think? Also called an oblique, diagonal, whack, separatrix, virgule, scratch comma, slant, or forward slash...). In some situations, it should of course be referred to as a work/money balance, seeing as there are quite a number of professions where the money has absolutely no bearing on the quality or quantity of work actually performed... such as teaching. See? I do get there eventually...

You may know by now that my blog titles are generally ethereal, somewhat tentatively linked ideas as opposed to an introduction to what the blog may be about. I'll not disappoint on this occasion either.

I had my interview at University of Auckland yesterday. I won't go on about it. Suffice to say I did OK at the maths test (with the possible exception of the fractions and simplify exercises), think I did fab at the written assessment, and handled myself with worldly aplomb during the group interview (LOL). I was pretty nervous to start with, but the other interviewees exhibited such obvious tremours that I was somehow put at ease. Ah, there is something to be said for having 25 years' experience in the workplace... seriously.

So, I wait to hear if I've been accepted into the programme, and whether they will recommend to the Uni that I be accepted as a student. *This* is because my UK certs don't automatically qualify me for entrance (the irony here is that if I was applying to be a student here from the UK, they *would* be enough...), so I've put in a 'special' application which appears to take into account more lifetime/career experience rather than hard and fast qualifications.

In the afternoon, I was due to have a performance review meeting with my manager in order to go through projects and outcomes to date, plus a look at the next 6 months. Having already decided to hand in my notice in the New Year (regardless of Uni application) I decided to pop out the honesty card and gave her the low-down. She was actually very accepting, and after about 15 minutes of discussing my future plans, we literally just chatted for the remainder of the meeting time.

It turned out to be an emotionally tasking day, but a totally rewarding one.

In two days I fly to Holland for two weeks. I am really looking forward to not only getting away, but also meeting my darling's family, and putting the past few months of worry and uncertainty firmly behind me so I can start the year afresh.

I remember writing sometime ago that 2007 would be an interesting year. It certainly has turned out to be just that, and 2008 looks to be even more exciting!

Happy Christmas all. My very best wishes to you and yours.
xxx

The Price of Health

There is no healthcare category. I guess there can't be a category for everything, but if I can pick a mood that isn't on a list then... oh, but that's not what I was going to write about.

Yesterday I discovered funded healthcare.

Since I arrived in New Zealand, I've worked for a large corporate that subsides the Southern Cross Regular healthcare plan. I used to pay extra for Supercare (can't remember what that included - try the website), then I 'downgraded' to Hospital and Specialist care. I think I pay an extra $400 or maybe more per year for that. Under that plan I pay to see a doctor ($58 for the privilege in Remuera) and prescriptions ($15 per item). If I needed to see a specialist, such as for my allergies, that's about $125 per visit, but I can claim all of that back from Southern Cross. And of course, under the hospital part of the plan, I can go get myself sliced and diced (for medical reasons rather than for pleasure) up to a grand total of $60k... I'm thinking that would be fairly major... Then on top of that, I pay $11 per fortnight (which is of course almost $300 per year) to belong to another healthcare thing through work, which will refund me 60% of my prescriptions. That $11 also means I'm a member of a holiday home club thing, but I've never used it.

So, as I said, last night I discovered Procare. There was a new Medical Centre built near my home. I was only registered with the doc in Remuera cos my ex was registered there and I needed to see a doc, obviously, many years ago. I think the last time I went to see her was about four years ago...

Oh yes - Procare. This is a government funded organisation. Go check it out if you don't know about it. Short version? Oh ok then...

I paid $30 to see the doctor. I enrolled, which means that the centre can get funding for little ol' me, and in three months' time, a visit to the doctor will cost me $15. I got five items on prescription. At $3 per item. It's amazing.

And because I won't be getting private healthcare next year, and because I won't have a lot of money to burn, knowing I can see a doctor and get drugs if I need them for a relatively minimal cost is a whole weight off my mind.

That's all... quick and simple. I've a lot to learn.

Update to interesting news from before

First I just want to say that I find it interesting that there is a blogging category called "blogging". I'm bending it slightly, but makes me think of sending an email with the subject line "emailing". Silly. Yes.

So, where are things after that last exciting episode one month ago?

Work
I'll try to do a short version - you know how I go on...
A few months ago (yes I know, a history lesson first) I had my HBDI profile done (click on the link if you want details, otherwise the rest of this isn't going to make sense). I'm a very strong red, with a backup of green. Thing is, I've been working in the blue space for a long time, well all my professional career to be exact.
Ok, Ok... a brief run down...
Blue = Rational - tends to be logical, technical, factual - i.e. my 25 years of working in the IT industry, which don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed to a point
Yellow = Cognitive - visual, strategic - not talking about this one cos I don't have any
Green = Practical - conservative, organised
Red = Visceral - emotional, musical, expressive, spiritual
There.
So, where was I? I'm a strong red. My team at work had an offsite thing and we went through some of our HBDI traits as a group. Our personal profiles were on display for all to see, and my boss' boss (nice guy, worked with him before - probably the primary reason I took this job in the first place) says, "Oh Jo, how is it you're not a teacher?" then a quick backtrack, "Oh, ha ha, that doesn't mean you can leave...!" Anway, you get the picture. Sowed a seed.
Short version? Oh yeah, right... So I'm about 90% on the way to going back to school. I've applied to Auckland University to be a student. I'm looking to do a Bachelor of Education specialising in Primary care.
I'll pop some more news in here about how that's going, application, etc.
Hm - reading back through that looks like a major leap, but believe me it's been quite a process.
I think I can make a difference. Supporting myself with little or no income for 3 years is naturally a little daunting, but with the emotional support of my darling, and many more friends around me, I'll get there. I'm also prepared to eat humble pie if I have to and go back into the corporate grind after say one year if it doesn't work out. Not being fatalist - just practical... (my green side coming out heh).

Smoking
Still not. Want to from time to time. Don't. Fab.

Love
Still grand. Making headway in leaps and bounds with the girls, which is fab too. Still not going to do a major blog on that just yet. I'm very very happy.

Mum (was Travel)
Got a nice, very civil email back from Mum after my last blurt to her about tons of stuff. Says quite simply (between the lines) we won't ever talk about that again, and let's just go back to talking about stuff that doesn't matter. I guess I can live with that for now. Shame tho.

And that's all for today. The current mood is hungry cos I was going to get some lunch before I started writing this, then forgot, and now people are turning around wondering what that grumbling noise is all about.

I should blog on other stuff - still have other major changes that have been going on in my life. Those that have an eye for detail might notice... I'll leave a little teaser...

You know...? Coming out as gay was never a problem. But there's a different kind of coming out taking place. It's wonderful. It's liberating. It's challenging.

Oh, and completely aside, I'm back in touch with some old school mates. That's what I was originally going to write about now I come to think of it. Another time.

Quick hunt for food and back to work. For now.

News for those with nothing better to read

Work...
sucks. It's boring. Can't think for a moment what possessed me to take it on, but then again the JD didn't exactly say what was actually entailed. Do they ever? And it's not getting any better - I now have a new boss. Firstly, she's a woman - don't get me wrong, I've just never reported to a female boss before. I never knew how overbearing they could be (was I ever like that?). Second, and it was bound to happen at some point, she's younger than me. Third, she's a pain in the arse. She says "I'm not the type of person to micromanage..." and then asks every five minutes what you're doing. She big-notes all the time, and we (my peers and I) are quickly learning that there is nothing in the world that she hasn't either done first hand or had some close personal experience of. It's infuriating! But, on another tack, I had lunch the other day with a good friend and ex-colleague - he still works for the company, but we don't work in the same field or building anymore. He told me he was looking at things a different way. Coming to work involves five aspects - the job itself, the work environment, your colleagues, your boss and your pay. He decided that he liked four out of five of those, and now concentrates on those instead of simply hating his job. Using his analogy, I like three out of five... but right this minute that's not helping, although it could be related to

Smoking...
which I stopped doing (again) a week ago. Take a tip ladies... if you're going to give up smoking, do it when you're PMT - you'll be doubly cranky, but you can blame it all on the monthlies, and after the first week, it's not really so bad. Downside is I've already put on 2 kilos - need to work on that. Don't want to be a blob again. I'm known to my friends as being quite a slow eater... I appear to have sped up again. Not good - by the time I realise I'm full, I'm actually over-full. Wow, this blog is really interesting so far eh?

Love...
is grand. It's amazing. It's fan-f*cking-tastic. I could write a whole thing about just that, and maybe I will. Another time.

Travel...
plans are afoot. I am joining my darling and her two girls in Holland for Christmas and New Year. Wow. That's pretty huge. Not huge for my girlfriend and I specifically, cos I think we'd travel well together; but important in that I'll be staying with her at her parent's house, and that they will be meeting me, the first real girlfriend ever. And it's cool that her parents appear keen to meet me (or maybe just curious?). Her brother seems keen for sure. On another pretty huge scale is me not going to see Mother while I'm in Europe. The timing just wasn't going to work out what with Mum and step-Dad being on cruise from 15th Dec to 10th Jan, and me being back at work on the 10th... so, well, Mum and I are actually having a major email heart-to-heart right now, and we're covering off some dark and sensitive stuff about my/our pasts...Heavy I can tell you. Long and short of that is that I'm not sure right now she'd even want me visiting her for Christmas (if ever again - I'm trying to set myself up for the worst reaction, although the worst reaction would be to get no reply at all right?). And to cap off the travel plan segment... The girls' three tickets were confirmed some time ago. Because of the Mum/email thing that's been going on, and now that I've decided to join them (without any side trip to Mother) and finalised taking leave from work etc, I can't get on the same flight! So we're all leaving on the same day, but we are flying around the world in opposite directions, and we'll meet up in Amsterdam some 24 hours later. Weird!!

I also want to write blogs on a host of other subjects, things I'm going through at the moment, choices we make, choices that are made for us or at least choices we are gently guided towards making. Oh yes, that's a whole different bag of tricks.

But this was intended to be a quick blurt between meetings at work... cos my darling was writing a blog and it made me look at when I last wrote one, and I nearly fainted.

To those that read this - hope it wasn't too yawn-worthy. However, if it was - tough!

Comfort Zones

I was assigned 'Comfort Zones' as my next blog topic, kind of in keeping with a comment someone made on my last blog re fitting ourselves into certain shapes. I googled the term, and arrived at Wikipedia... so being the tired/lazy cheat I am, I'm doing a cut and paste exercise. I've underlined sections that jumped out at me, specifically in relation to the last blog... Others are colour coded - cos I'm in a strangely aesthetic mood - to help you cross-refer!

The term comfort zone is used to denote a type of mental conditioning(a) resulting in artificially created mental boundaries, within which an individual derives a sense of security.

These boundaries tend to result in an internal state of mind(b), an example of which would be rigid attitudes and beliefs, which may not necessarily be true. This may or may not manifest as an external situation in the individual's life.

A comfort zone may result when the mental concept that a person has about something and actual reality of it, are not congruent with one another. A classic example to take would be of self image(c).

Self-image may consist of three types:

1. Self image resulting from how the individual sees herself
2. Self image resulting from how others see the individual
3. Self image resulting from how the individual perceives others see her

These three types may or may not be an accurate representation of the person. All, some or none of them may be true.

(a) Mental conditioning may be attributable to several causes - mass media, society, peers, parents etc. All of these may directly or indirectly create mental conditioning.
(b) State of mind redirects to Miriam Webster definitions of Mental Health, namely:
"A state of emotional and psychological well-being in which an individual is able to use his or her cognitive and emotional capabilities, function in society, and meet the ordinary demands of everyday life."
(c) A person's self image is the mental picture, generally of a kind that is quite resistant to change, that depicts not only details that are potentially available to objective investigation by others (height, weight, hair color, sex, I.Q. score, is this person double-jointed, etc.), but also items that have been learned by that person about himself or herself, either from personal experiences or by internalizing the judgments of others. Those items include the answers to such questions as:
Am I skinny? Am I fat? Am I attractive? Am I weak? Am I strong? Am I intelligent? Am I stupid? Am I a good person? Am I a bad person? Am I masculine? Am I feminine? Am I likeable?

Square Pegs and Round Holes

And once again, I can't think of anything off my own bat, so have to be inspired by others... and on the question of fitting in...

Hey, you know me... full of useful/useless (delete as appropriate) advice... So here's the thing.

I'm an odd shape. Always have been. Certainly tried to do the fitting-into-the-appropriate-mould thing, and never found it to work. I got close to giving up on life itself when fitting seemed the only thing to do and turned out to be futile. Thankfully I was too juvenile and scared to do anything really serious...

As an aside I spent my formative years in a church environment which I quickly rejected, even when I was probably too young to fully understand what I was doing. However, in moving from front-of-house hymn-singing I found myself in the orchestra, and this confirmed a love of music from a different participation level, so no bad thing. In later life, I re-evaluated having faith in something bigger and more important than myself, and I'm happy with where I'm at.

So here comes the lesson learned from experience... I realise that I have straight edges (no pun intended), curved edges, sharp edges, fuzzy edges, black, white, every colour in between... There is no one shape that matches mine. I do not want to fit myself into something that could potentially surround and suffocate me. I like to be able to breath.

Instead, I try to gather around me shapes that compliment mine. There is no one shape that suits me best - I recognise that some shapes are more rudimentary, more conventional, and some parts of me match those too.

I have endeavoured to make big bits of me fit into the closest known shape, and the consequential fallout is not pretty. I now make a special effort to avoid that. Small bits of me can be honed to fit certain aspects, such as work environment for example, and I can live with those minor adjustments.

Those who I let get closest to me will understand what is fitting, and what fits (pun definitely intended).

A couple of phrases borrowed from a friend's blog space:

Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter...
and
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not...

Learn to love the shape you are. I'm getting there.

Thanks for the reminders

Yes, I am well aware that I haven't really done any honest-to-good blogging... kinda had other stuff going on.

So instead, I changed one thing on my profile. Go on - have a look... it's subtle.

Oh, I changed the music around too, but that was done a few days ago. I tried changing the photo album, but there's some weird thing going on so it's back to how it was. I was working on a cool myflashfetish (same as the mp3 player) photo album, but it 'broke' - no, it was not user error.

Work: It has its moments. Friday was good, today was bad. It depends on a) office attendance, i.e. who's there on any particular day, and b) current headspace and/or motivation. Friday I was in a good headspace and motivated. Today I had a new person sitting about three feet away from my screen and felt intimidated, but it was that crap time of the month and I didn't feel like being there at all.

Social stuff: Yesterday was the Big Gay Out. The rain held off which was super cool. Our bowling group did a stonking good cook-out for our fundraiser - I'm sure we must have equalled what we made last year. I worked on putting the tent and stuff together this year, and was all done and dusted way before the crowds started arriving. Hung around with various groups of friends... walked hand in hand with my gf, which was absolutely lovely. So, so cool to have someone to share BGO with. And there's more Hero stuff going on... There's the 'D Thing' exhibition this Friday, and of course Flirt on Saturday - yes Machi... I guess it will be a sort of anniversary... And the Hero Debate next Monday. Sweet.

I'm on painkillers and a wee bit of alcohol - that's all you get.

Have fun out there.