Questioning Emotional Risk

This was written in response to a conversation - essentially, I'm becoming a blogger on demand :)

Is it better to feel something good that might ultimately lead to hurt, or avoid the risk completely and theoretically control the level of pain involved? The cynical approach would be that it is bound to hurt anyway, therefore why make the emotional commitment? The eternal optimist will say that they go in with arms open wide and never think of a bad outcome.

How much of the heart we give while maintaining some defense against trampling depends perhaps on the lessons learned from previous experiences, and on occasion, some sort of resolve might come into the equation, i.e. "I will not allow myself to get in too deep", as useless as this may be in the long run.

And we make things more complicated for ourselves - we build those castles in the sky before understanding even where this journey might take us. In the world where two extremely emotional beings are seeking the ultimate in intimacy and understanding, we have a joke: What does a lesbian take on her second date? Everything.

It might be a limited-offer scenario, for example, one woman might be leaving the country for good in a week, a month, a year... and in analyzing the end before it's begun, we don't even allow ourselves to get to the starting gate.

What about chemistry... that 'wow' factor... those butterflies, the racing heart, the flush at the very thought of her? (Whether this is simply a sexual response or not is also open to debate.) Is it one-sided or is it that someone is working so hard on maintaining that reserve in order to avoid being hurt that it only appears one-sided? And round it goes.

Later on there may be evidence of compromise. Somehow you let her dreams become your only dreams, or perhaps your desires overpowered whatever her desires may have been. Too much compromise is simply accommodation. You may sell yourself out to keep the peace, to preserve the illusion of the relationship you have, to avoid an argument, but what would you be arguing about? Actually, admitting that some aspects of your life are being denied? But didn't you put yourself in that situation by over-compromising in the beginning?

I challenge you to wear your heart on your sleeve. Speak your mind, discuss your innermost thoughts. There is little point in hiding behind a facade when ultimately you want to be loved for who you truly are. The adage "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is perhaps the truest of all.

Don't go through life wondering where all the joy might have been.