I did my damndest to not think about stuff all day at work, and I did a pretty good job. I got two out of three reviews done (my problem child called in sick, again). I typed ten process/instruction documents to try and cover off work stuff that I just kind of do, but noone knows I do. If it wasn't done it would be noticed, though not necessarilry immediately. Stuff that I took into this job from the last restructure simply cos I couldn't find a home for it elsewhere, but there is no way my new job can take that on board. The total change in accountability will be refreshing I think.
I was supposed to go to a colleague's leaving drinks, but I did some serious drinking with him on 22nd Dec (which was also called his leaving drinks)... and they weren't meeting up until 6pm, and having been at work since 7:30pm I was definitely ready to be 'outta there' by 4:30pm which is the earliest I feel I can leave without giving the impression that I'm skiving.
Also, the weekend situation started creeping into my thoughts mid-afternoon. I got totally caught up on the fact that I should have been going to the airport in the evening to pick up Wellington. I got myself into quite a state about it. When I got on the bus, I found some hard trance music on my ipod and cranked it up, the theory being that I wouldn't be able to hear myself think as the saying goes - that's a crock. If you're determined enough, you can think and completely over-analyse under any circumstances.
I was seriously going to do some mind-dumping bloggy stuff when I got home - after all I'd been composing heaps on the bus ride. Instead, I poured myself a large brandy and dry, and watched the first episode of L Word series four which had downloaded during the day. Then I drank some more, and the evening started slipping into a haze. I remember watching the Kumars, AbFab (the episode where they go to Marrakesh hehe) and some news... I must have at some point eaten leftovers, only cos I saw the dirty dish in the sink this morning. I dropped off on the couch, and woke to some cricket match and stumbled to bed around midnight.
I actually slept OK thanks mainly to the alcohol content I'm sure. Without it I think it would have been a tossy-turny kind of night. It's still pretty warm and sticky, and this morning the weather is really shitty, overcast and high winds.
But I am in avoidance mode - I'm not really writing about how crappy I'm feeling, how resigned I am to going out alone tonight, and how different this weekend is going to be compared to how it was originally planned.
As you know, I'd made my mind up to offer the circus ticket to a stranger, and even tried to inject a bit of fun into it, and do the whole non-date thing, but it didn't work. The sofa offers haven't panned out (even though I somehow have manged to acquire a date on Sunday evening out of it all so I should look at that as a bright moment).
Despite all semblances, I do actually have friends, but for a whole variety of reasons they can't come... most of them will be at a birthday party that I'm supposed to go to after the show. And those that I haven't spoken to yet this week will be looking behind me when I arrive, and no doubt look a bit puzzled when they don't see Wellington there, and I don't know if I can stop myself from crying when that happens, and I'm wondering how long this crying that I'm doing now will go on for, and whether I'm just feeling sorry for myself and maybe I should go back to bed and hide under the sheet and erase a little bit more of this day cos otherwise I don't know how I'll get through it.
I think I might come back to this later.
I was supposed to go to a colleague's leaving drinks, but I did some serious drinking with him on 22nd Dec (which was also called his leaving drinks)... and they weren't meeting up until 6pm, and having been at work since 7:30pm I was definitely ready to be 'outta there' by 4:30pm which is the earliest I feel I can leave without giving the impression that I'm skiving.
Also, the weekend situation started creeping into my thoughts mid-afternoon. I got totally caught up on the fact that I should have been going to the airport in the evening to pick up Wellington. I got myself into quite a state about it. When I got on the bus, I found some hard trance music on my ipod and cranked it up, the theory being that I wouldn't be able to hear myself think as the saying goes - that's a crock. If you're determined enough, you can think and completely over-analyse under any circumstances.
I was seriously going to do some mind-dumping bloggy stuff when I got home - after all I'd been composing heaps on the bus ride. Instead, I poured myself a large brandy and dry, and watched the first episode of L Word series four which had downloaded during the day. Then I drank some more, and the evening started slipping into a haze. I remember watching the Kumars, AbFab (the episode where they go to Marrakesh hehe) and some news... I must have at some point eaten leftovers, only cos I saw the dirty dish in the sink this morning. I dropped off on the couch, and woke to some cricket match and stumbled to bed around midnight.
I actually slept OK thanks mainly to the alcohol content I'm sure. Without it I think it would have been a tossy-turny kind of night. It's still pretty warm and sticky, and this morning the weather is really shitty, overcast and high winds.
But I am in avoidance mode - I'm not really writing about how crappy I'm feeling, how resigned I am to going out alone tonight, and how different this weekend is going to be compared to how it was originally planned.
As you know, I'd made my mind up to offer the circus ticket to a stranger, and even tried to inject a bit of fun into it, and do the whole non-date thing, but it didn't work. The sofa offers haven't panned out (even though I somehow have manged to acquire a date on Sunday evening out of it all so I should look at that as a bright moment).
Despite all semblances, I do actually have friends, but for a whole variety of reasons they can't come... most of them will be at a birthday party that I'm supposed to go to after the show. And those that I haven't spoken to yet this week will be looking behind me when I arrive, and no doubt look a bit puzzled when they don't see Wellington there, and I don't know if I can stop myself from crying when that happens, and I'm wondering how long this crying that I'm doing now will go on for, and whether I'm just feeling sorry for myself and maybe I should go back to bed and hide under the sheet and erase a little bit more of this day cos otherwise I don't know how I'll get through it.
I think I might come back to this later.
No comments:
Post a Comment